Oct 16 2014 9 Years ago today / Janet Jani Grzegorek (Wife Friend life partner )Read >>
Oct 16 2014 9 Years ago today / Janet Jani Grzegorek (Wife Friend life partner )
My Dearest Ed,
You would think that as time passes, the pain lessens, and I suppose to some degree that is true. But there is not one single day that I do not think of you or miss you.
Together we were strong - alone however it weakens us, at least for a spell. I don't like feeling weak. I loved leaning on you and you leaning on me. But life does not always play out the way we wanted it too.
Your Cancer took me by storm. I didn't know that you knew in advance and was trying to protect me until one year later when I was sent all your records. How you planned your own Celebration of Life Service. Clearly you knew what you wanted. Your acts were such acts of love and selflessness. I know you were trying to make it all easier on me.
You were one incredible man and I was so Blessed to have been your wife. I will never remarry because no one can replace you. What we shared together was all that I needed. And it is what I want to remember always.
I continue to love life - I just miss those wonderful sweet quiet moments with you - our long talks, your incredible stories that you'd wake me up in the middle of the night to tell me ....Your amazing sense of humor, that I am sure you have folks in Heaven giggling over.
I love that you still tinker with the lights ( I always derive such comfort when that happens. It might sound odd or strange to others, but to me it is a comfort and it makes me smile because I know you are still with me in Spirit.
Today it is a beautiful Autumn day, so similar to your last day. I was happy we got to see one last Sunrise and Sunset together. And your final words tome will always remain ever present to me " Jani I love you " ...
I really don't know what Heaven looks like, only what I have dreamed about. Pristine, vibrate colors -streets paved in gold - benches on every path - Since you left in the Autumn of your life, I picture wonderful Autumn colors - the dawning of a new day, the wonderful Heavenly sunsets... radiant colors we don't see here on earth..... I picture you seated on a bench greeting new comers ... holding their hands, guiding them - but best of all,I picture you and Jesus sharing the same bench, engaged in conversation, Jesus assuring you that you have been fully restored - telling you that there is no need to rush the conversation, that you have " Eternity ".
SEMPER AMEMUS ED, -OUR LOVE IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE FOREVER!
Until we meet again!
With Love Close
HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN HEAVEN MY CAPTAIN MAY 29 2013 / Jani Grzegorek (Wife,friend, Life Partner )
My Dearest Ed,
Never a day that goes by that I do not think about you, especially at the close of day and the blinds are closed and I climb into bed and roll over to say good night and realize you are gone. I miss you and I always will - but I still say good night and tell you that I do love you.
You were an amazing man, an awesome friend and the best husband I could ever have hoped for.
I don't celebrate your Birthday as we once did together, but I put your pictures out on the kitchen table and I light a candle and I look up to the sky and say "Thank you Lord" for blessing my life with my captain.
I know you are in a better place and one day when God is ready, I will join you.
Tonight my love, I hope that a band of Angels is singing to you.
Watch over us all, especially your beloved America and maybe if we can all come together as One Nation Under God America can once again be what you strived for 43 years to maintain.
My Dearest Ed, All day long I just could not think of anything but you. Today would have been our 13th Wedding Anniversary and I love you more today then yesterday. You may be gone from my sight but not from my heart. I miss you more then words can ever convey. I know your Spirit is still here with me, I feel it and I sense it and at times I can hear your voice and so can John. You wee the other half of me and together we were one. Your death will never change that.
Life is different without you, yet I understand that you had to leave and as much as I wanted you to stay, your pain would have grown and you would have suffered so I accepted what I could not change and gave your hand to Jesus and I know you are happy, safe and secure in that wonderful place called Heaven.
I just needed to share my feelings tonight and say that even though you are gone from the flesh you remain still, such a large part of my life.
The house has changed since the fire, but it is still the home we shared and no fire, no calamity of any kind can take your spirit. I always smile when the living room light comes on as I know it's you. The house was all rewired since the fire and yet that light in the room where you were the night God called you home still shines brightly. And for that I always smile and get a warm sense of you.
Remember that Teddy ( Eddie Bear ) you gave me? Well I still have him and Nit too. Oh and little Nit as well. Funny how they survived the fire while other things did not . It's a comfort. I still tell the story about Nit and have to laugh when I do as it was really such a conversational story that brought tears of laughter to so many..
Thank you for the wonderful life, for being my best friend and husband. Did I ever tell you that to this day I still keep Jelly Beans in the jar? I remember how much you loved them and I still buy flowers like you said I should do.
You were the love of my life, my soul mate and I have been so blessed because of you Ed.
Until we meet again. I love you forever and always!
The longer you are gone my love, the more that I miss you. Yesterday was Memorial Day and we lowered the Flag just as you always did and I said a prayer for you then and another today.
Sometimes I try hard to envision Heaven and all it's Glory and wonder what Souls do there! Knowing you , I am sure that God keeps you busy and that you are a wonderful greeter to all of the new Soldiers and Warriors that enter Heaven's gate.
Not a day ever goes by that I don't give thanks for the day you came into my life, nor do I ever forget the day you drifted out of my life and slipped quietly into Heavenly Peace. I miss you so much but am happy you are not suffering. Until we meet again my Captain.
For every year that passes by, I feel your loss more and more. But I also remember and recall every precious moment that we shared and the not so great ones either.
Today would have been our Wedding Anniversary. I still myself saying that I love you more today then I did yesterday. You brought so much joy into my life.
Yeah it's true we had some rocky times but you know that old saying "that which does not kill us, makes us stronger" and stronger we became. Oh I have learned to live my life as you wanted me to, because we both knew that no matter what we did short of a miracle, you were going to leave this mortal coil.
You brought me joy, you made me smile, and you loved me unconditionally and I know I returned the same to you. So while we cannot be physically together on this day, I wish you love, I wish you Joy and I wish you Love, forever and always! And I know one day in God's time we will reunite once again and meet at the cross roads as you walk me through the Gates of Heaven.
Tomororw it will be six years since you left this earth and I continue to miss you but I am surviving because of my faith and my promise to you.
I have so much to tell you and I will when tomorrow passes. For now this is the time I want to remember. Our last hours together as husband and wife.
I don't think that there is anything different that I could have done to stop you from leaving. God needed you and you were ready and while I love and miss you I don't believe that anyone or anything should try to stand between humans and God.
It is nearing the time on the clock now when you spoke your final words to me. "Jani I love you" Beautiful tender words that I will keep tucked in my heart and soul till the days are long past and the sea has parted once again.
I remember October 15 2005 as being a beautiful sunny Autumn day. The blinds open the sun filtering in. I also remember it was our final sunset together. Oh I prayed for a new dawn - but come morning you were in a coma - and only once did you open your eyes and that was when you were getting ready to make your transition. It was a frantic time for you and for me. You were restless and I could not tell if you had pain or were just agitated until I played your music, that was when calmness came over you.
I don't replay this over and over because I am weak or lonely I do it to show you that I am strong and alive and have many memories here of and with you. The evening of October 15 2005 was will forever live in my mind. I sat next to you talked to you, held you're hand by morning I knew we only had not a full day together.
I put my head on your chest I listened to you breathe and memerized your heart beat - music playing softly - lots of praying going on. I was there with you when God called you home. You went so peaceful - I saw in awe a while veil lift and ascend - you were home!
You graced my life one Spring day so many years ago, and on October 16, 2005 you took the hand of God at 9:55 PM and now Heaven is graced with your presence.
Please hug my mom for me. It's only been a year now!
I can't believe that it is now over 5 years since you left this mortal coil. Life has not been the same without you yet I continue to live and breathe and do that things that you would always encourage me to do.
My writing has become key to my existence. It gives me great comfort and others as well.
You and I had a good life despite a few hiccups but one thing stands out most and that is how much we loved each other.
I still wear your wedding band on my left middle finger it's to big to wear on another. With your blessing I know I gave my engagement ring to Michael Jr who is getting married next Juli. He his engaged to the sweetest most wonderful woman whoever graced his life. He told me after you died that you and I lived a fairly tale life and hoped someday he could too and so it seems he is. Mikey is getting married this New Year's Eve to Kelsey. They just had a baby girl Kattie three weeks ago. Both Mikey and Matt are going into the US Army. I know you would be proud of them I am. Please watch over them the world is not as it was when you were still here with us.
John is still with me keeping his promises to you. He was pretty badly injured in September but coming along now. I know you must have crossed paths with my mother. She joined you in August. Please tell her that I miss and love her so much.
Mike is still sick and in Hospice care. You would barely be able to recognize him. He is so thin and frail. He misses you too. We all do.
We have to additions to our little family here. LOL Ruby and mini dachshund and Freedom an abused Pitt - Bull. They get along famously and are a lot of company and Freedom is an awesome watch dog. I know you always said no big dogs but when I saw him I feel in love with him. He died in the fire we had at the house last January and he was revived. He would be lost without us.
As we prepare to celebrate Christmas know that you are thought of all the time. In fact there is always a place set for you with your dog tags and 3 rounds very similar to what you see in the American Legion. Gone but never forgotten.
I try always to imagine what heaven is like. In my mind it is so grand so beautiful and peaceful. Even though I miss you that I ache my comfort comes from knowing you have been set free from that awful cancer that invaded your body. I continue to keep my faith and I know my love that one day when God calls me home we will meet again in the Hallowed Halls of Heaven.
As you celebrate with Jesus this year so shall we.
It's hard for me to believe that it's been five years since you shuffled off this mortal coil. In my heart and soul I know that you are in a better place and where you belong but the human side of me misses you beyond measure. I will always remember you. There is never a day that goes by that I don't think of you or kiss your photo good night. It still sits on top of the headboard.
I try not to think back to where you were diagnosed but rather how you handled it and how much comfort you attempted to give to me even though you were the one who was sick. You never thought of yourself.
I think one of the most important things that I will remember was when you asked me to marry you again and Father Bill bringing the church and all of it's blessings into our home as we recited our wedding vows to each other one last time.
My mom as I am sure you know joined you on 12 augustus 2010. It was a sad and harrowing time. Leaving here and making that long journey home with John who has done all that you ever asked of him. He and Michael both have been God sends. They both miss you and love you as do all of the grand kids.
Michael is getting married next year and you and mom and all those who have contributed to their lives will be remembered on their wedding day.
I love my Ed - I always will. There is no one else on earth that could ever measure up to who you were and what you were all about. Tell God hello for me and please hug and kiss my mom and tell her how much I miss her and love her. Now that you are both in Heaven I can only imagine the joy - the love you both have.
Today would have been our 9th Wedding Anniversary / Janet (Jani) Grzegorek (Wife, friend, Life partner )Read >>
Today would have been our 9th Wedding Anniversary / Janet (Jani) Grzegorek (Wife, friend, Life partner )
My Dearest Ed!
Today we would have been married 9 years. I miss you so much. There is not one single day that I do not think about you. I will always love you. I keep your memory alive all the time. I talk about you all the time. Your physical being is gone from me but your spiritual presence is with me always.
Do you know that there are many nights that I still reach out for you in the middle of the night or sometimes I want to rush to tell you something and realize that I must do it through prayer.
I wear the cross that you gave to me in honor of our wedding day. It means so much to me because it is of GOD and because you gave it to me with love.
I will think today about the morning we each went our separate ways as you went to get your hair cut and I went to have my hair done and nails and how at 3 in the afternoon Manny and Marilyn met us and we stood before the judge when we took each other as man and wife. The beginning of the first day of the rest of our lives. It was a beautiful sunny warm day this year it is bitter cold a stark contrast from 2001. And then I will remember when the church re married us three weeks before you died. Oh how lucky I was to have you ask me not once but twice to be your bride.
I have had so many blessings in my life and you wer the biggest and the best blessing of all. I will be thinking about you all day today and remembering the happiness that we shared on Januari 11 2001 and the joy you brought to my heart and soul.
The Pristine Veil - Did He Know He Was Dying? / Jani Grzegorek (Wife, friend, life partner )
Today is 16 October 2009. It was four years ago today that my husband partner and best friend passed away from Cancer.
Ed was not just my husband or friend he was my 'soul mate'. He completed me and I completed him.
His illness was tragic as we had both just had our yearly physicals and we were both rendered healthy. Only days before he was diagnosed, we were having dinner at the Olive Garden having a wonderful time and talking about the home we were going to buy or built in Tennessee. We chuckled about having his and her rockers on a wrap around porch where one day we would sit and reminisce about our children and grand children.
Our time together seemed so short yet it was the time that God gave to us. We used each day wisely and we lived each day fully because although they ( the doctors ) gave him 11 to 15 months - it would be much sooner. Eight weeks is all we would have left.
We ever renewed our wedding vows in our home just a few short weeks before he went home. It was a rainy Friday September day -but the house was filled with flowers and candles and white balloons and family and friends.
When I look back now, I know that at no time did I ever expect to see such peace and to feel such a calm which is why I know I am so blessed to have been invited into his death in a way that I could never have envisioned.
Those last few days were good ones - we talked and we shared and we laughed and we cried and we held each other and we prayed.
What did I ever do to deserve such a man like Ed? He was gentle and caring and loving and he pushed me and always encouraged me to continue with my writing and all of my passions.
Ed filled a hole in my heart - and I in his. I suppose that the best way for me to define what we had and shared, can be borrowed from these words:
"Once on a high and windy hill In the morning mist two lovers kissed and the world stood still Then your fingers touched my silent heart and taught it how to sing, Yes true love's a many splendored thing"
It's Christmas once again, and while I celebrate the birth of Christ from afar, I know that you are spending this glorious day with Him.
I derive great comfort from knowing that you dine with Jesus.
Oh what a Joy I imagine, as He recites His parables to His heavenly guests.
I do so miss you - my heart will never again be the same - Yet I know my love, that where you are - there is peace and comfort and that you are whole again.
So as we approach this Christmas know that you remain forever in my heart. I thank you for sharing your life with me, for bringing me joy and for loving me.
Continue to raise your voice in song, Sing with Heaven's Choir. My heart will hear the words my soul will feel the comfort as Jesus directs and choreographs' The heavenly music of His Angelic Christmas Choir.
16 October 2008 In Memory of my husband Ed! / Janet Grzegorek (Wife, Friend, Life partner )
In Loving Memory!
I would never have guessed that in the autumn of my life, I would meet and fall in love again. Nothing ever felt so right. I never felt so right, so connected. I also never thought about death.
It was to early to think about death. But before our 5TH anniversary , death would come to one of us.
I have known many people in my life - but I never met someone that I loved as much as I did my husband Ed. People sometimes drift into out lives, be it for a reason or a season or both and sometimes only ever so briefly.
At exactly 9:55 PM 16 October 2008 it will be 3 years that my husband died. The first year was a blur and now I know I was numb much of the time - that the strength I had was so I could cope and the 2nd year, the pain came and it hurt like hell.
And today, three years later - my heart has healed! I have a heart and soul full of wonderful memories. I don't know why at Ed's appointed hour, I was invited into that moment, but I was. We expect that from a birth, but a death? My memory of that appointed hour is forever engrained in my mind. I know what I saw and was witness to.
I also know now that is was a defining moment for me. Even in his death he spoke to my heart and soul - he encouraged me to be the person I had always held at bay.